We slough skin from our bodies. Seven lives -- We emerge pink and newborn from each heartbreak. Fists closed; eyes squeezed shut in protest. Not again, Not again. Left cold by our past selves We flee each pin-prick of realisation. Breathing our cold breath out over the valley of expectant upturned faces Forcing our gaze … Continue reading Shame
I've been waxing since I was a teenager. Growing up in the modern world you soon learn that our relationship with body hair is contradictory. In winter it keeps us warm but having smooth silky body-parts is synonymous with being attractive. I'd love to say my attitude to body-hair hasn't been formed by a culture that … Continue reading You have a lovely vagina
As our plane touched down in Delhi my nerves were on edge. I was wearing my most unattractive ensemble (to hide any semblance of the female form), I hadn't washed in days and I had already been felt up at four different checkpoints between checking in and boarding the plane at Kathmandu airport. (Those Nepalese officials prefer the intimate … Continue reading Delhi — also known as rape city?
Tinder has got to be one of the most talked about apps of the last 4 years, at least within my friendship circle. Before we start discussing the hilarity of Tinder as a dating app, I must disclose that I have never downloaded it, despite drunkenly swiping for friends on numerous occasions. (I'm a modern … Continue reading Tindermares
When I was 12 I had an experience that changed my life. I ate an icy pole on the tram. As I happily licked the delicious lemony goodness off a stick two elderly men sat opposite me with odd looks on their faces. I suddenly felt self-conscious. I looked at my icy pole and then … Continue reading Eating Phallic Food in Public
There is never a bad time for cake. Think about it. Whether you are at a funeral or have lost your job, a slice of sweet fluffy goodness always makes things better. When I first started working in an office I was shocked at how awkward most interactions are. In the hospitality industry your workmates … Continue reading Let them eat cake – Do it.
Sometimes it's easy to forget that we are all human. From your manager to your grandmother there are things that most of us do regularly but would never admit to. In an endeavor to bring us all closer, create mutual understanding, and to remind you that deep down we are all just disgusting, I've made … Continue reading Things you would never admit to – but have definitely done.
While shopping for cat food in Coles I found the following product, Coles Complete Cuisine, Real Meat Injection. It raised a few questions for me... 1. Why would I want to give my cat a Real Meat Injection? This sounds like the kind of offer one receives at a backpacker bar. 2. HIGH "PALATABILITY"- I'm pretty sure palatability isn't a … Continue reading The Real Meat Injection
Yesterday whilst on Twitter I saw this photo pop up on my feed. It reminded me fondly of year 6 camp, long before the invention of selfies. I hate to tell you people, but the ol' let's put our heads together for a photo has been around a lot longer than the iPhone, in fact, I … Continue reading Lice – The Itchy Truth
Recently I was at a party, in the middle of a conversation, when I had an epiphany. I was being boring on purpose. It sounds like I'm making an excuse for my shitty party behaviour: "Oh, she really didn't bring much to the table" "Whatever, I was being boring on purpose." Alas, this was hardly the … Continue reading The Art of Being Boring