Things you would never admit to – but have definitely done.

Sometimes it’s easy to forget that we are all human. From your manager to your grandmother there are things that most of us do regularly but would never admit to. In an endeavor to bring us all closer, create mutual understanding, and to remind you that deep down we are all just disgusting, I’ve made a list.

Picking your nose:
Whether it’s a cheeky pick and flick whilst you are stopped at the lights or in bed at night – everyone loves a good pick. It’s cathartic, gets the crusties out and saves any embarrassing snotty moments with work colleagues. There’s nothing worse than having to tell someone you can see something green congealed in their nasal hair.

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You’ve totally given yourself a dutch oven at least once and you have definitely been grossed out by the smell of your own gaseous emissions at least once.

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Checking out your stool:
It’s an important part of your digestive health to check the bowl after you’ve “dropped the kids off at the pool”. Or maybe you just want to Snap Chat it to your mates because it was enormous!

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Lied about farting:
Of course you have, you’re not an idiot.

Stalking past flings on Facebook or social media:
You didn’t even date but somehow you are 3 albums deep. Thank god you can delete your browser history.

Had an “accident” in a public place:
I’d love to say if you haven’t soiled yourself in public, you haven’t lived.  If you’ve travelled anywhere with a dodgy hygiene history this has definitely happened to you.

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Eaten an entire cake or equivalent of junk food – alone:
You might tell your housemates you had people over, but really you ate the entire thing… with a spoon.

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Sneezed in your hand and wiped it on something in public.
You’ve sneezed and now you have a slimey slob of mucus cupped in your hands. No one will notice if you just wipe it surreptitiously on your pants, would they?

Drunk called/texted or Facebook messaged someone you don’t like sober:
If you’ve been drunk, needy and had a phone handy – you’ve done this at least once.

Pretended to be sick to get out of something:

Whether it’s work or a family dinner  the list of events you want to avoid only gets longer as you get older.  Of course you have faked a sickie to get out of turning up.

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Can’t say you’ve done at least three? I hate to break it to you, but you’re probably a Cyborg.

The Real Meat Injection

While shopping for cat food in Coles I found the following product, Coles Complete Cuisine, Real Meat Injection.

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 It raised a few questions for me…

1. Why would I want to give my cat a Real Meat Injection?
This sounds like the kind of offer one receives at a backpacker bar.

2. HIGH “PALATABILITY”- I’m pretty sure palatability isn’t a word.
Also, since it is food, I would assume that it’s palatable, for the cat at least. No need to make up a word to tell me about it.

3. 100% SATISFIED or 100% REFUND — How does one judge cat food unsatisfactory?

“Look here, the Real Meat Injection wasn’t nearly large enough”

“The vegetable flavour was there, but Mr. Whiskers couldn’t taste the cheese.”

“Tibbles is actually lactose intolerant. The cheese flavouring upset her stomach and she shat all over the shag carpet.”

I am willing to bet that no one has successfully wrangled a refund for Coles Complete Cuisine Real Meat Injection. If anyone has, I want to know who they are and how they managed to prove that they were not satisfied with cat food. Then I will hire them as my attorney.

Long story short, despite the dismal product marketing, I am a huge fan of Vegetable and Cheese (not to mention Real Meat Injections) so I bought 7 boxes… all in the hope that I’ll be 100% satisfied.