When we check Katie into the hospital for the surgery at 7am and she is already hungry. ‘Fuck not eating for twelve hours’ she sits grumpily in the wheelchair, her long brown hair still rumpled and wet from her shower. We're not nervous, this surgery is going to fix everything. All the weakness she’s been … Continue reading Short Story: Shwarma
When I was 12 I had an experience that changed my life. I ate an icy pole on the tram. As I happily licked the delicious lemony goodness off a stick two elderly men sat opposite me with odd looks on their faces. I suddenly felt self-conscious. I looked at my icy pole and then … Continue reading Eating Phallic Food in Public
There is never a bad time for cake. Think about it. Whether you are at a funeral or have lost your job, a slice of sweet fluffy goodness always makes things better. When I first started working in an office I was shocked at how awkward most interactions are. In the hospitality industry your workmates … Continue reading Let them eat cake – Do it.
While shopping for cat food in Coles I found the following product, Coles Complete Cuisine, Real Meat Injection. It raised a few questions for me... 1. Why would I want to give my cat a Real Meat Injection? This sounds like the kind of offer one receives at a backpacker bar. 2. HIGH "PALATABILITY"- I'm pretty sure palatability isn't a … Continue reading The Real Meat Injection
Recently I travelled to India. On my last day, I decided that I was going take risks and be adventurous. I saw a man selling fried potatoes on the side of the road. Well, I decided. I'm definitely going to have some of those. They look delicious. I asked the gentleman above if he would … Continue reading Pube Potatoes
It's Friday night and I'm standing in the line at the Fish and Chip shop. It feels about 100 degrees and I am sweltering whilst waiting to order. I'm crowded in by families, couples getting up in each other's personal space and groups of friends gossiping about their week. I have a sweat moustache. Fish … Continue reading Why we are all afraid of being forever alone
I was preparing to fly to India and decided, last minute, to make myself a quick pasta. (So I'd be nice and full on the flight). I had been discussing my travel plans excitedly all week, laughing off the odd comment about food poisoning and people who return from overseas travel with weird parasites in … Continue reading Travel and Vomit-A tale of Irony